Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize