I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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