Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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