Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
