I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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