I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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