I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
