okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize