Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
