Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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