loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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