Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
