I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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