shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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