when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
