1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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