she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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