I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
