she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's the barista slut.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
