All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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