I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
