she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's the barista slut.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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