This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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