hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
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