No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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