Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
