Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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