Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
me + whiskey = a bad person
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
