you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
