Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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