Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
