ya dads aren't the best wingmen
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
