also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
