You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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