Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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