I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize