Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
