I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i think i just lost a toe
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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