what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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