Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
