if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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