to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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