things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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