im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
