I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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