Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
