My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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