I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
