no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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