i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
