theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
