I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
