It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
