How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
