Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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