im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
