If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize