Someone shit on the floor
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
