Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she smelled like a LAN party
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
