11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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