I just threw up on my dentist
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
