Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He shit in the fireplace
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
