Nicole vs. Life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
