So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
