K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
