I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
