Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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