i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
