you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we're so committed to being not committed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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