Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
