3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think my fart just growled at me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
