My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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