i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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