you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
