every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
