i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
