Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
