im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
