dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
