It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
