I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
