I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
